“You have done enough. You are enough. You were born enough.”

Elaine Welteroth

There are no such things as coincidences. But rather signs and what is meant to be, will be. Or that is what I believe at the very least.

Elaine Welteroth’s More Than Enough was a case of right timing for me. We are now living in uncertain times with everything going with the COVID-19 pandemic. Not only that, but the uncertainty of the future when one is about to finish their last semester of school. After being in school for so long, it is no longer there as a crutch. It is time to face the “real” world. 

Before or after every chapter, however you would look at it, there is a quote from the chapter. Coming from a person who loves quotes, it appealed to me. If I could fill a place with quotes I love, I would. Not only that, but the book itself is full of wisdom that anyone can take from. Anyone could read it and get something they never knew they even needed from it. 

Ava Duvernay had written the foreword. Introducing the More Than Enough, she has some advice of her own that is in line with that of Elaine’s. “Nothing bad ever happens to me. It’s all to learn and grow” (ix). Life is full of lessons. The point is to take those lessons, learn from them and grow as a person. “We allow the expectations of others to shape our own expectations” (x). Expectations are tricky things. The hardest critic is oneself. But the foundation of those expectations comes from the expectations of others. One would just take what others expect of them and amplify it and take it on as their own. 

People thrive for perfection. But the truth is, there is no such thing as perfection. There is just being the best version of oneself. As long as we try to be the best we can be, that is enough. “We spend too much time hearing and telling ourselves we are not enough” (xvi). Because the idea of perfection, there is the mindset that we are not enough. 

Before the doubt, each person was a black canvas.
We are all born with a sense of possibility and limitlessness. This is before the labels are placed upon us, those social stratifications of race, gender, sexuality, and status that start to shape our idea of who we are and that often erode their dreams of what we can become. (3)
There were possibilities before society took that away with the notion of perfectionism. The sky was the limit. Maybe the idea of ‘ignorance is bliss’ is a blessing in disguise. Children are naive until they aren’t. As one grows up, innocence is shed away. The reality and harsh world would interfere and people have to face the world without the rose-tinted glasses.  

Each person’s story is not their own, but intertwined with another’s. “We went through what we went through so that you could live” (4). Each person is living because of the sacrifices of someone else. A parent always wants what is best for their children. This is a universal thing. They would do whatever they can, no matter the consequences. The hope is for a better life, better than theirs ever was. 

Pain can change a person. When something bad happens, it impacts a person a certain way. “Sometimes the things that hurt the most propel you the farthest” (34). Take the bad and turn it into something good. The pain helps shape a person into someone better than they were before, if they learn and grow from it. 

A person’s identity is important. It defines who they are. Not only that, it could be how someone sees you or even how you want someone to see you. “To be mixed race in America is to exist in a constant state of in-between. You have access to two worlds and are expected to be fluent in both, yet you never fully belong to either one” (64). Uncertainty/limbo, is always a difficult place. Not knowing who you yourself leads to an identity crisis. You would always be wondering ‘who am I?’ Being in-between, and never being able to fit in one place or another. A person can never just be one thing. It is more complex than that. They are many things combined.

Fear is more powerful than anyone ever realizes.
I realized that if we aren’t vigilant, we can move through our entire lives feeling smaller than we actually are—by playing it safe, by unconsciously giving away our power, by dimming our radiance, by not recognizing there is always so much more waiting for us on the other side of fear. (117)
Fear is what stops a lot of people from doing anything. But what some people do not realize is that once they conquer their fears, there are better things on the other side. Nothing of worth is always easy. One must take risks. Whether the risks are good or bad, they tend to be worth it. If not in the short-term, then they are at least in the long-term.

Relationships are important. Not only relationships with others, but the relationship with oneself as well.
What I know now is that when we derive our worth from the relationships in our lives—the intimate ones, the social circles we belong to, the companies we work for—we give away our power and become dependent upon external validation. When that is taken away, our sense of value, and identity, goes with it. (168)
Take value in relationships, but do not let that be the only thing that defines you. You yourself is what is important. Things hold power only if you let it.

In the end, you are worth more than you even realize.  

Is it true? Truths are subjective. Something may be true to the person, but that does not mean that it is the whole truth.

Perception is everything. Everyone sees differently. People can be looking at the same thing yet see something completely differently from everyone else.

The world saw me as colored, but I didn’t spend my life looking at myself. I spent my life looking at other people. I saw myself as the people around me, and the people around me were black….With the black kids, I wasn’t constantly trying to be. With the black kids, I just was.

(Noah 59)

Trevor Noah is mixed or in South Africa, referred to as colored. He is not black, but he also isn’t white. He is able to join in with the whites or the blacks. Even though his father was white, he spent most of his time with his mother who is black. Growing up with blacks, he is more comfortable among them. He doesn’t have to try to fit in like he does with the whites, he can just be himself.

Yet growing up among blacks, he was raised white:

When I look back I realize she raised me like a white kid—not white culturally, but in the sense of believing that the world was my oyster, that I should speak up for myself, that my ideas and thoughts and decisions mattered.

(Noah 73)

Noah’s mother believed that there is more to life than just what they have/know in South Africa. The world is bigger than what they know. She does not want him to be confined and sheltered. She saw him as a blank slate that she is able to mold. His mother gave him everything she was unable to have and lived vicariously through him. Trevor was able to see the world differently than everyone else in South Africa because his mother saw the world differently.

Memories may not always be accurate. Details may change over time.

My mother never sat me down and told me the whole story of her life in Transkei. She’d give me little bursts, random details, stories of having to keep her wits about her to avoid getting raped by strange men in the village.

(Noah 66)

When Trevor tells the story of his mother, how much of it is true? She told him when he was only ten. What details are actually true, and what was lost through time? Some details were probably censored. Trevor telling the story of his mother, is his version of his mother of what he had remembered. It is only one side that people are able to see of her. There is more to the story that we may never get.

Personal experiences are personal for a reason. Only the person going through it would know what they actually went through. Talking about it may be difficult. They can tell whatever version that they want to tell. No one would know the accuracy of the account unless they were there and experienced it firsthand. Truths are subjective. A person may not be lying, but they could also not be telling the whole truth.